Yo, I’m watching Midnight in Paris.
Is this the stupidest fucking movie ever or does it stop being the stupidest fucking movie ever made and then do something else like not being the stupidest most embarrassing fucking movie ever.
I spent today trying to make my own music for Blade Runner. I am sick of this and here is my result.
Yo.
- Coffee Guy: Nice jumper! Is that sonic?
- Me: No! But let's say that it is! It is actually my Grandma's
- Coffee Guy: She must be cold!
- Me: She is as cold as you can get.
- Coffee guy: ...oh...
- Then we went out the front and he tried to show me how to do an ollie and then the fire engine leader came out and got angry at him because someone parked a car in the wrong spot.
- Big day.
If I ever get fat…
I am of the belief that people are threatened by fat people due to their personal belief that the other persons weight is a result of their lack of self control. This scares people, as we’re all susceptible to the curse of self control, our lack of it. Fat people mirror peoples insecurities.
So basically if and when I get fat, I am going to announce to everyone that I PLANNED it. A social experiment, simple curiosity, just to see how it feels. This is what I will tell people. When I realize that it’s all catching up, I will take each one aside one beery afternoon and explain in an excited stream of mouth noises that I have this GREAT plan.
And when it happens…
…everyone will be so, so impressed. I will embody complete self control, when in actual fact I will have succumbed to it.
They will say “He willed it, and it was so”.
This morning I saw a possum carcass ripped in half and sprawled on a park path floor, its innards spread out across the walkway.
What could have done this? This possum did not just simply fall from a high tree. Possums are too agile to fall anyway, they don’t get lazy when balance is concerned.
Who wants to bust this case X-Files style, guys?
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